You could never keep a secret well. Not even your own. How could he trust you with something this big? This important? You might not have told anyone but me, but still it's not something you should tell anyone. I wouldn't have told anyone. That's why it should be me in your position. You don't deserve him. You lead him on for years, lying to him and what happens? You end up with him! I on the other hand get to worry about what's going to happen when you two break up. Oh, I know it will happen. He'll realize you aren't meant for him. Then he'll realize that’s I'm the one who really loves him.
I wish that all that was true. I know deep down that you really do love him and he loves you. You do deserve him. I don't. I'm just the jealous younger brother who doesn't understand. I just wish you hadn't of told me so I could just keep on dreaming about what could never be. Me and him. We wouldn’t be as perfect as him and you. Nick and Kevin doesn't sound nearly as good Kevin and Joe.
So I'll just sit here feeling sorry for myself while you're out there having fun and doing God knows what with the love of my life. You know what? I'll be fine. Okay that was a total lie. It's hard breathing sometimes because I know I'll never have him. Then I look at you and it gets even harder because I know you hold him close every night. But you what this is going to change tonight. Nick is going to get his turn (and maybe stop speaking in the third person).
"Kevin?" I asked quietly outside of his door. You were in there and I knew it. I have ears you know and I'm not stupid. I know what goes on behind that door.
"Hold on!" His voice was rushed and breathy, it made me cringe. A few seconds later the door flew open revealing him looking disheveled. Looking behind him I noticed you pulling your shirt on over your head. "What Nick?" Seeing you like this broke my heart and left me breathless all at the same time.
"Nothing, never mind." I whispered walking away. I heard the door shut after I was half way to my room. Maybe things will change tomorrow…
Title: Over the Stars
Pairing: Kevin/Joe Nick/?
warnings: incest, slash, angst
a/n: this is the sequel to Your Biggest Mistake
I find myself once again in front of your door watching you attempting to play a song. In all honesty you aren't a very good guitar player, but I'll give you points for trying. I smile coyly to myself as I make out the song you're trying to play; Find a Way by the Used, our song. "Are you making fun of my guitar playing?" You smirked not looking up from the acoustic guitar.
"I don't believe I said anything." I leaned up against your doorframe.
"I could hear it in your mind." You looked up at me. The laughter in your eyes made me fall in love with you all over again.
"You can read my mind now?" I asked smugly.
"I always have been able too." You wagged you're eyebrows. "You know, sometimes."
"Sometimes." I laughed quietly. I bit my bottom lip as I watched you fumble with the guitar trying not to laugh. "You need some help there Joey-boy?"
"Please?" You dropped the cocky acted and let your 'innocent' side shine through. I couldn't help but smile like the dork I am as I walked over to you. Déjà vu washed over me as I crawled behind you on the bed to fix your fingers over the strings. It's the kind I enjoy, not the creepy awkward kind that hits you at the most random moments leaving you confused and slightly disoriented.
"There, give that a shot." You did and I must sat I am a great teacher. Just a few adjustments and you're playing it like a pro. It's almost as if…you were faking it. "Joe, did you really need my help?" You looked at me like a deer caught in headlights. Dead give away that you're a liar.
"You lie." I smiled punching your arm lightly. "Did you need my help before with 1979?" You smiled up at me innocently. I rolled my eyes before you leaned up and kissed my lips.
"No, but I really wanted to do that before." You told me and I could tell you were telling the truth. "I just couldn't."
"It's funny Joe, because so did I." I smiled and kissed you again.
"We can't." You pulled back after a minute of kissing. "Everyone is home and the doors wide open." I pouted. You pouted back. It was way to adorable for me to stand. I got up off of your bed and closed the door as quietly as I could, locking it.
"Happy now?" You just smiled and nodded. That's all I needed.
Title: Over the Stars
Pairing: Kevin/Joe Nick/?
warnings: incest, slash, angst
Over the Stars
When it comes down to it only one thing really matters. But admitting that one thing makes me seem really cliché. Is it worth being cliché to scream it at the top of my lungs? Is it worth holding him at night though I can't tell anyone? Is it worth not knowing what will happen if we came out? Is it worth anything at all?
Hell yeah it is.
Chapter Three – The Final
Lying in bed restless and all to awake; sleep is once again avoiding me. Thoughts of you invade my exhausted mind. I can't help but smile when the memories un-surface. I close my eyes and get lost in them, almost like sleep except I'm fully aware of my surrounding and reality.
"Kevin?" I heard from the door. I opened my eyes and set them on you standing there in the doorway. You looked nervous, not like you usually do.
"What's wrong Joe?" I asked quietly, you just looked down at your feet shuffling them. "Joe?" You looked back up at me with nervous eyes. "Come here." You slowly made your way over and sat next to me on the bed. "Come on Joey tell me what's wrong." You sighed and lay down next to me. Just like old times when we were younger and I wasn’t hopelessly in love.
"Kevy, why is it so hard to tell someone you love them?" You asked gazing up at me with your perfect innocent eyes.
"I don't know Joey, I wish I could tell you but I can." I was being honest for once. "Sometimes it's simple sometimes it’s the most difficult thing you've ever done."
"How can you tell which is which?" You asked looking even more nervous. I just wanted to kiss your fear away but that would be stupid.
"You can't, until after the fact." You sighed unsteadily and closed your eyes for a brief moment.
"Da.mn it." You mumbled staring down at the sheets. "Kevy could you ever hate me?" I was taken aback by your question. I couldn't form any words and sat there opened mouthed and wide eyed. You looked up at me looking even more nervous and worried. I just shook my head in disbelief. "Promise?" You asked looking into my eyes. I nodded again still not able to speak. A small smile crept across your face. You leaned against me, your head on my chest. I put my arms around you out of instinct.
"Why would I ever hate you Joe?" I mustered up out of curiosity. You pulled away a bit biting your lip softly.
"For this." You whispered pulling your bottom lip into your mouth. I co.cked my eyebrow in confusion. Then it happened; you kissed my lips softly. You went to pull away but I stopped you by placing my hand on the back of your neck. Your fingers tangled themselves in my hair as I deepened the kiss. "I don't understand." You whispered hoarsely as we finally pulled apart.
"What don't you get?" I asked leaning my forehead against yours. Your eyes were searching for a response.
"I love you Kevin." You whispered quietly after another minute. I smiled and kissed you tenderly.
"I love you too Joe."
You held her tightly in your arms, almost like if you let go the world would explode. You were smiling happily, like a good brother should want you to. I guess I'm not a very good brother considering I don't want you to be happy with her. I want you to be happy with me; no matter how far fetched that dream sounds I still like to pretend it could happen. You glance over at me and your smile widens. Maybe there is still hope; or maybe I'm just screwed up in the head.
When she finally decides to leave you stand with her in the door way for a long moment. I envy those moments. The ones we were not aloud to have just because we share blood. Or maybe because you don't love me. You came back into the living room and sat down next to me, your sent filling my nostrils. A mixture of soap and her perfume. I almost gagged. You smiled up at me and relaxed into the couch. I wanted so much to put my arm around you and hold you close. Like you do to her. Da.mn it I wish I could be in her position.
"Kevin are you okay?" You ask me waving a hand in front of my face. I must have been staring again. I couldn't help it, you are just so beautiful. I smiled and nodded. What's another lie? You just nod and turn away. You weren’t smiling and it was bothering me.
"Is there something wrong?" I asked. You turned back to me with a small sad smile on your face.
"I don't think I love Mallory anymore." You told me staring at your lap. "Well I do. Just not as much anymore, you know?" No I don't.
"Yeah," I lied, again.
"I don't know, I guess I've just started loving someone else. Someone a lot closer." You open up so easily I wish I could do the same.
"Who?" I asked confused. You just smiled and glanced up at me.
"Not tonight my brother." You told me standing up. I watched you leave and walk up the stairs. Your sent still lingered in the air. Maybe there still was hope.
You didn’t notice as I watched you from the door way; your eyes intent on the guitar in your lap. You looked frustrated. It was adorable how you knit his brows together in frustration. You strummed the strings a few more times before groaning loudly.
"Need some help?" I asked smirking. You sad up straight, startled by my presence. You glanced back down to the guitar and then back up at me. You smiled slightly and nodded.
"I'm trying to play 1979 by the Smashing Pumpkins but it’s not working to well." You told me picking up the sheet music. I laughed and took the acoustic guitar out of your hands. I placed it carefully back in its case and grabbed your electric from its stand.
"It'll sound better." I told you handing over the guitar. You placed the strap over your shoulder and started playing the music. It just didn’t sound right and you heard it. "Try this." I crawled behind you on the bed and took your hands placing them on the appropriate strings and strummed at just the right pace. You didn’t know it but our closeness was driving me insane. Your hair was messed up, your clothes wrinkled and you smelled of old spice. Honestly you've never looked more beautiful. You turned to me and smiled approving of the sound. I smiled back, but for a different reason. I let go of your hands and watched you do it on your own. I was no longer paying attention to the music, nor did I notice the fact that you started singing the lyrics.
"Shake down 1979; cool kids never have the time." You sang out making my heart melt. Your voice so much like an angels. You stopped playing suddenly breaking me out of my trance. Your eyes were on mine and I so desperately wanted to kiss your smiling lips. "Thanks Kevin." You whispered. I nodded and got off the bed.
"You're welcome Joe." I said quietly before exiting the room.
Title: Good and Broken
Rating: PG ( for now )
warnings: slash of the female variety.
"Tell me what I can do to make you happy!" the fifteen-year-old girl pleaded with tears in her blue eyes.
"For starters you can tell me you love me more than once a week!" The older female yelled close to tears herself. "That way I might actually believe you!" Their tears began to fall; was in the heat of the situation or where their hearts actually breaking?
"I do love you but—"
"But what?" The older girl interrupted, her body shaking almost violently.
"Is the infamous rivalry between the Martin and Cyrus families finally coming to an end? We'll have more on this story after the break." Taylor Martin turned off the television. She could really careless about what the redundant commercials had to sell, or what the botoxed gossip reporter had to say about the on going feud between her family and the Cyrus'. It was really none of their business and hopefully it would all be over soon.
The only reason she agreed to the world tour was to finally end what her father Gerard Martin and Billy Ray Cyrus had started. Her older brother Jason wasn't much help; with him and Trace Cyrus constantly at each others throats and all. It was up to her and Miley Cyrus to finally end it once and for all.
Taylor's thirteen-year-old younger brother Ethan had a different idea of why she was going on the tour. 'You have a girl crush!' He would always taunt. She didn't understand how he would persist after being hit in the head so many times.
"Are you ready Tay?" Gerard asked his daughter. She nodded picking up her guitar case. "Are you sure you want to do this?" Taylor gave her dad a look that screamed 'yes now get over it'. "Alright." He sighed hugging his only daughter.
"I love you daddy." She whispered taking in his smell of old spice one last time for almost a whole year.
"Love you too Tay." They released their grip on each other. Gerard nodded letting her know she could go. She smiled back walking out the door.
"Are you ready to rock?" Jeff, one of Taylor's band mates, asked as she sat down next to him on the tour bus.
"As ready as ever." She smiled widely at him.
"We're gonna rock the world." He smiled. "Literally."
Title: Your Biggest Mistake
warnings: incest, slash, angst
I am truly sorry for this inconvenience, I'm sure you are really busy. I would just like to thank you for taking time to read this letter I sent you in a green balloon. I happened to notice you haven’t been answering my prayers for the past five years. Have you been to busy or do I not deserve what I've asked for? I think I've been good enough, haven't I? Oh, great now I sound like a little kid on Christmas writing a letter to Santa. I'm sorry for that. I also want to apologize for what ever it was I did to deserve this heartache.
Maybe I brought this upon myself. But then again, how can one control there own feelings. I wouldn’t blame you if you have stopped reading by now. I wouldn’t want to listen to a depressed teenager ramble either. I just don't get why I have to be stuck loving him! I've been told everything happens for a reason, but what I don't get is: what's the reason? From an early age I was taught to love him, just not in the way I find myself this very second.
I would like to thank you again for reading this. I hope I didn’t take up too much of your time. I'm also sorry for wasting your time, I'm sure you have better things to do than listen to me and my problems. Just please try to consider setting me free?
Paul Kevin Jonas
Your biggest mistake